My Covid-19 Story by Ben Crease
Looking back at the end of March 2020 it is obvious to me now that I was showing symptoms of Covid-19 on the weekend of 14th/15th. I remember feeling a bit tingly down my back like when a cold breeze hits you from an open window.
On the Saturday, unaware that I had Covid, I went to see my parents, Mum 93 and Dad 94. We did keep our distance with no kiss or hand shakes and I just thank whatever god you may believe in that I did not infect them.
On the Sunday Maria and I looked after our granddaughter, Sophia, overnight. With her usual exuberance she jump onto our bed in the early hours of Monday exclaiming “Granddad it’s half past five and time to get up” We all laid there for a while and talked. After breakfast I took Sophia to school and carried on with my normal routine.
By Wednesday 18th I had a fever and on the Thursday I isolated in my office with a fold out bed. I did not eat much during this time. By Monday 23rd I was staying in bed all day and on Tuesday 24th I noticed that my lower back and kidney area was aching a bit but I put it down to normal wear and tear as I have a history of back problems. Wednesday 25th and “Oh my god” it felt like my kidneys/liver/lower back had been hit by a freight train. I took some more paracetamol thinking I would fight whatever it was off and be ok tomorrow. I had not had flu since I was eighteen so it did not even cross my mind that I may have it now.
Thursday came and then I knew it was bad. Not only hit by a train but had done ten rounds with Mike Tyson as well. Not being able to breath properly is very scary. I did what the government said and did not call 999 but instead I tried the 111 service. Called them twice and was on hold for over an hour on each call and nobody answered. Somewhere around midday I phoned My doctor’s surgery and they told me to call 999 which I did.
The ambulance crew arrived within 20 minutes and they knew what I had got. I was helped down my stairs and into the ambulance. By this time I was really struggling to breath and they gave me oxygen on the way to hospital. (It is to be noted that crew were the first in a chain of people that ended up saving my life. Thank you to Peter Cronk and his crew mate).
Wheeled out of the ambulance and through hospital corridors with extra staff in front and behind keeping other people well away from me and I was transferred to a side room in Baird Ward. Two nurses came and administered the testing swabs for Covid (Not a pleasant experience at all).
A little while later, after some x-rays, a consultant came in. Now this may not be his exact words but it is very close as this is when things got serious and some memories may be slightly out. “Hello Ben, you are very ill, If we do nothing you will die. We need to put you in a medically induced coma to try and help you but you still may die.”
Well, now in a bit of shock, what do you do. I suddenly thought “I must call Maria“, but what do you say to your wife knowing that it may be the last words that she ever hears from you? Many thoughts all ramming my brain at the same time as being more scared and confused than I ever have been. I called Maria and then the nurse came to bag up my possessions (jewellery, watch, shoes etc.).
The next thing I remember were the nightmares. Flashing lights and beasts that came out of the walls and fought each other, strange beings that seemed to be disputing what to do in a language that I could not understand. I was not able to speak and my mouth was covered by something. I seemed to experience the same time over and over again. I had enough of the terror and pulled hard at what was covering my mouth, there was some shouting and then I started to wake up a bit. My hands now in smooth white mittens tied on tight so I could not grab what was on my face. Terror and panic now as the hallucinations were still there but now I could not defend myself, I was helpless and at the mercy of these strange creatures.
Suffice it to say I was not the model patient, confused, terrified and not really knowing what was happening to me. I heard a voice say that I had been asleep for 8 weeks. It was at least a day later when I was told that it was only 8 days.
I was awake, confused, frightened and still unsure of what was happening.
The ICU team were all, without exception, fantastic and kept reassuring me that I was safe and recovering. Apparently day and night shifts had battled to save my life for many days. (as I write this part the tears and emotions build up again) I am deeply indebted to every member of the ICU team and I fondly remember Rob, for his direct no nonsense approach and Dr Kate who expedited the removal of my feeding tube.
I found out later that I was only their 2nd COVID patient extubated (Breathing tube removed). They called me their “second survivor”. I felt really privileged to be looked after by such caring people.
I left ICU, with Dr’s and nurses applauding, to continue my recovery in Baird Ward.
Now there was quiet time, a time that allowed my mind to digest what had happened to me. I was still having some hallucinations and I was terrified of falling asleep in case I did not wake up. I think I went 110 hours with only a couple of hours shut eye.
The Nurses and doctors on Baird ward were very kind and understanding but at the same time they knew that they had to push me a bit. My greatest thanks to Danny, who encouraged me so much and instilled in me the confidence to start walking again. I had lost 10% of my body weight and the first 2 times I tried standing up I just fell back on the bed. I also note that there were two wonderful ladies also recovering on the ward, Sarah and Janet. They were also an inspiration and help getting my head in the right place.
Lying in bed is boring and I did not have my laptop so I could not work either, Time to go home. I discharged myself a few days before the doctor’s advised, very nearly not a good idea as I struggled with my heart for a few days and had to call the ambulance out for an ECG just to make sure it wasn’t too bad.
First 2 weeks at home I had to isolate from my wife so I had a bed in my office. Being back home but not allowed to cuddle Maria was very frustrating.
Now the other side of this experience came to light. I was still terrified of sleeping, the night terrors were back and I would just start crying for no apparent reason. It is like I feel so guilty for something and I know it is not my fault. Why did I survive when so many better people have died?
One of the nurses telephoned every day to see how I was getting on and I also had conversations and e-mails with the hospital Psychologist which really helped.
I have noticed that there are some gaps in my memories, short and long term, I do not know if this is related to my experience or just old age creeping up on me, but there is definitely some information missing.
It is now nearing the end of May 2020 and I am getting stronger, I still struggle to sleep when I am alone, I still get scared, I still have a few night terrors and still get moments of tears with some emotional confusion. Talking things over with professionals can certainly help put things in perspective.
I do not know if all of this will gradually fade away. What I do know is that I have been given a second chance and that I need to rationalise these fears and anxieties so I can move forwards with living again.
“It is not a crime to survive Covid-19 and to come back from the brink of death but yet sometimes it feels as though it is.”
During June my physical recovery continued but I have noticed that my legs still do not always want to work properly and that my neck is quite stiff a lot of the time. Getting up from seated or kneeling down takes a lot of effort. My lungs are not yet healed /working fully as before but I have been told that they
could take a long time to get better.
I have a new found wariness of strangers and I can get very jumpy in situations like the supermarket where social distancing seems to go out of the window. (All the shoppers line up 2 metres apart outside but when they get through the door it is every one for themselves. It baffles me why they do it.)
I have also noticed the different reactions of people when they hear of my illness, some do not seem to care that this virus is a killer, some are still in denial that there is a virus at all and there are a few that just make fun of the whole thing. Family and friends have been very good and accept that along with the physical trauma the unseen mental scars may be around for some time to come.
There are still large gaps in my memory and that is very frustrating.
Early July and I have been asked to participate in the hospital’s ongoing research into Covid-19 which involves people who have survived the virus having been in a coma and on a ventilator and I am more than happy to be involved with anything that can help them to better understand any long term effects.
I am fortunate that one of my jobs revolves around the internet and that business is doing well at the moment. I am also working in my other business of servicing fire extinguishers. I am cautious about what premises I will visit and always wear a face mask and shield.
I now want to give something back to those that saved my life and as a start I have decided to give £1000 to the ICU Dept. at the Conquest Hospital. Yes I know that is only a drop in the ocean compared to the expense incurred in them saving me, but it is a start and hopefully they can use it towards
something that will help save someone else.
I have watched the effects of easing lock-down restrictions and I am dismayed that so many people still seem complacent about Covid. The virus cannot read and it has no ears to hear Government advice and would not comply even if it had. It is still about and there is not yet any vaccine. This Virus has one
purpose and that is to infect and kill as many people as it can.
Keep your distance, Keep Clean, Keep Safe, for you may not be as fortunate as me.